The Office Quotes 2

February 14, 2008 at 7:37 pm (Quotes, Television)


Here are some more classic quotes from The Office.

Michael: I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that I get no pleasure out of saying the words “you’re fired.” “You’re fired.” Oh, “you’re fired.” He just makes people sad. And an office can’t function that way. No way. “You’re fired.” I think if I had a catchphrase it would be “you’re hired, and you can work here as long as you want.” But that’s unrealistic, so.

Michael: (trying to motivate the employees for the basketball game) I know, grumble, grumble. But you would follow me to the ends of the earth, grumbling all the way. Like that dwarf from Lord of the Rings.
Dwight: Gimli.
Michael: Nerd. That is why you’re not on the team.

Michael: A lot of the people here don’t get trophies very often, like Meredith or Kevin, I mean who’s going to give Kevin an award, Dunkin’ Donuts? Plus, bonus, it’s really really funny. So I, you know, an employee will go home, and he’ll tell his neighbor, “Hey, did you get an award?” And the neighbor will say, “No man. I mean I slave all day and nobody notices me.” Next thing you know, employee smells so something terrible coming from the neighbor’s house. Neighbor’s hanged himself, due to lack of recognition.

Michael: TMI? — “Too Much Information.” Uh, it’s just easier to say TMI. I used to say “don’t go there,” but that’s lame.

Michael: This next award goes to someone who really lights up the office, somebody who I think a lot of us cannot keep from checking out, ‘The Hottest in the Office Award’, goes to…Ryan the Temp! YEAH! Hey HO! You sexy thing! Sexy thing you! Whoo! [slaps Ryan's butt]
[Cut to Ryan]
Ryan: What am I going to do with the award? Nothing. I don’t know what I’m going to do. That’s the least of my concerns right now.

Michael: Attention everyone, hello! Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here [the office], we must only discuss work associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include “That’s what she said?”
Michael: Mmm hmm, yes.
Jim: Wow. That is really hard. [Michael almost says it] You really think you can go all day long? [Michael nearly bursts trying not to say it] Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling.
Michael: That’s what she said!

Michael: When I said that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don’t come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest a guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.

Pam: Usually on sexual harassment day everyone harasses me…as a joke.

Dwight: A 30-year mortgage at Michael’s age essentially means that he’s buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so I couldn’t hear the other dead people.

Dwight: I have been Michael’s number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart and I’m like…Mozart’s friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like…Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you’re gonna get a bullet in the head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

Michael: I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.

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