The Office Quotes 1

January 30, 2008 at 4:30 pm (Quotes, Television)

 

The Office has some great dialogue, and here is some of it’s best examples, just from the first 3 episodes.

Michael: WHAZZUP!?
Jim: Whazzup…I still love that, after seven years…

Michael: [concerning the downsizing] Am I going to tell them? No, I’m not going to tell them. I don’t see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.

Michael: People I respect, heroes of mine, would be: Bob Hope, um, Abraham Lincoln, definitely, Bono…uh, and probably God would be the fourth one. And, I just think all those people really, uh, helped the world in so many ways, that it’s, um, it’s really beyond words. It’s really “incalculcable.”

Mr. Brown: At Diversity Today, we believe it’s very easy to be a hero. All you need are honesty, empathy, respect, and open-mindedness.
Dwight: Ah, excuse me? I’m sorry, but that’s not all it takes to be a hero.
Mr. Brown: Great, well, what is a hero to you?
Dwight: A hero kills people, people that wish him harm. A hero is part human and part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster, that must be avenged.
Mr. Brown: Uh, you’re thinking of a superhero.
Dwight: We all have a hero in our heart.

Michael: [after role-playing exercise] You’ll notice I didn’t have anybody being Arab. I thought that would be too explosive…no pun intended. But I just thought, ‘too soon’ for Arabs. Maybe next year. The ball’s in their court.

Michael: Abraham Lincoln once said that “If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North,” and those are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.
Kevin: [to Angela who is role-playing as a Jamaican] Do you wanna go to the beach?
Angela: Sure.
Kevin: Do you wanna get high?
Angela: No.
Kevin: I think you do…mon.
Michael: [after the role-playing exercise] Man, I should’ve gotten some food.
Kevin: [still role-playing as an Italian] Maybe some spaghetti.
Michael: Okay, Kevin, you can take off that thing. That would really, really show him up, wouldn’t it? If I brought in some burritos or some colored greens or some pad thai. I love pad thai.
Stanley: It’s “collard greens.”
Michael: What?
Stanley: It’s “collard greens.”
Michael: No, that doesn’t really make any sense. Because you don’t call them “collared” people. That’s offensive.
Michael: You know what, here’s what we’re going to do. Let’s go around and everybody, everybody, name a race you are attracted to sexually. I will go last. (Dwight raises his hand) Go!
Dwight: I have two. White and Indian.
(Kelly, who is Indian, is sitting next to him and gives a shocked expression)
Michael: I regret my actions. I regret offending my co-workers. I pledge to bring my best spirit of honesty, empathy, respect, and openmindedness…openmindedness, is that a word? Um…into the workplace. In this way, I can truly be a hero. Signed (holds up the paper) Daffy Duck. (laughs) He’s gonna lose it when he reads that.
Dwight: Count Choculitus.
Jim: [whistles] Sounds serious.
Dwight: Why did you write that Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?
Jim: Do you?
Dwight [Reading suggestions for health-care coverage]: Who thought of this one? Anal fissures.
Kevin: That’s a real thing.
Dwight: Yeah, but no one here has it.
Kevin: [quietly] Someone has it.
Dwight: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, ‘Ow, I hurt my leg. I can’t run. A lion eats me. I’m dead.’ Well, I’m not dead. I’m the lion. You’re dead. 
Dwight: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I can lower it. 
Jim: (talking head) Right now this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, this would be my career. And, uh, if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train.

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Great Movie Scripts

January 26, 2008 at 6:44 pm (Movies, Quotes)

Thanks to James, I have limited priveleges and no longer fully own my site. Wait, what I meant to say was thanks to him, I have found some of the greatest movie scripts. Below are the links to some of my favorite movie’s scripts.

Airplane, O Brother Where Art Thou?, and Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

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Invader Zim Quotes 1

January 21, 2008 at 8:47 am (Quotes)

 

Since I’m the only one in these series of sites who enjoyed Invader Zim, here are some of the best quotes from the show.

Dib: Obiviously he’s been well trained!
[In Zim's base, Zim is playing a game called "Pain Piggy". He loses.]
Zim: Cheating pig!!!
Zim: An arm-gun-to-launch-food! Neat!
Dib: You really think so? Thanks! I was all night working on it
Zim: Well, it shows
Dib: Oh, quit it!
Conventia Announcer: Be sure to visit the gift shop for all kinds of cheap, useless stuff!
The Letter M: What’s wrong with you? All you talk about is aliens and ghosts and seeing Bigfoot in your garage.
Dib: He was using the belt sander…
Ice Cream Truck: You like ice cream. You like ice cream. You love it. You can not resist ice cream. To resist is hopeless. Your existence is meaningless without ice cream.
Tallest Red: [to Zim] You will be sent to a planet so mysterious, no one has even heard of it.
Tallest Purple: Right. And those who have heard of it, dare not speak its name.
Zim: What’s its name?
Tallest Purple: Oh, I dare not speak it.
Zim: [to Ms. Bitters] In the event of, oh say, a full scale alien invasion, how well prepared do you think this planet’s defenses would be? Tell me.
Tallest Red: Zim? You’re alive?
Zim: Yes, so very alive, and full of goo. Mission goo!
Tallest Red: Welcome mighty Irken soldiers! You are the finest examples of military training the Irken army has to offer! Good for you. Standing behind us, however, are the soldiers we’ve chosen for roles in one of the most crucial parts in Operation Impending Doom II! [mockingly] You in the audience just get to sit and watch.
Tallest Purple: You should have tried harder!

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Heroes Quotes 1

January 9, 2008 at 3:18 pm (Quotes)

 

You may notice I’ve put numbers by posts like this and the Scrubs Quotes post, but that’s because I’ll probably come in later and do other posts like this. Here are some of my favorite quotes from Heroes, the series.

[Translated from Japanese.]
Hiro: My clock. I made it go back one second using only my mind, my thoughts.
Ando: Too bad you’re not paid by the hour.
Future Hiro: Save the cheerleader, save the world!

Ando: Every hero is on a journey to find his place in the world, it is a JOURNEY, you don’t start at the end, otherwise they can’t make a movie about it later.

Peter: [to Nathan] Hey, you know what? I’m just gonna fly off the terrace yeah? No? Hey, I can fly. Nathan so can you. Tell you what. Why don’t you just race around the Statue of Liberty real quick. Huh? Give this tweedy cat something to write about.

Lyle: I’m gonna put this on YouTube and make like, a million dollars!
Zach: YouTube’s free, you idiot!
D.L.: It’s going to be you and me from here on out. Partners.
Micah: You mean like Batman and Robin?
D.L.: Yeah, like Batman and Robin. Only, I ain’t wearing no tights. You can wear tights, I ain’t wearing no tights.
[Sylar confronts Brian Davis.]
Sylar: You’re broken. I can fix you.
[Hiro gets a well-timed cellphone call from Isaac.]
Ando: Who is it?
Hiro: Destiny!
Ando: I wish Destiny would lose our number.
[Peter and Nathan are walking out of the police station. Peter tries to discuss others' powers with Nathan.]
Peter: … I-I think he was trying to read my mind. They were all like us!
Nathan: Dysfunctional?
[Alone at home, Claire is suddenly grabbed by the Haitian.]
The Haitian: I work for your father. He sent me here to make you forget; like he sent me to your friend, and your brother, and to your mother, so many times. He’ll be here soon, expecting that you won’t remember anything. But it is very important that you do. Tell me, Claire, can you keep a secret?

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Quotes For the Week-January 6

January 6, 2008 at 10:01 pm (Quotes)

   

This is a little series I’ll do where I just pick out a random quote and use it for the week, hope you enjoy.

Rita: [to Evan] Why do you sound like Evan but look like a Bee Gee?-Evan Almighty, after Evan’s begun to have excessive hair grow.

Nathan: Peter, that day at Kirby Plaza when I carried you away, it’s because I believe in you. You’re my brother, Pete. I love you.

Jay Leno: So China’s president [Hu Jintao] meets, uh— meets America’s president. It’s like President “Who?” meeting President “Huh?”.

Jay Leno: No, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn’t tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn’t tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn’t tell the difference.

C.S. Lewis: I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.

Homer Simpson: (on the phone) Hello? Thailand! How’s everything on your end? (listens) Uh huh. That’s some language you got there. (chuckling) And you talk like that 24/7, huh?

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Scrubs Quotes 1

January 3, 2008 at 7:59 pm (Quotes)

 

One of my favorite TV shows is Scrubs, which is unfortunately going off the air soon after several seasons. One of the reasons I enjoy it so much is thanks to the hillarious dialogue, as you can see in the next few quotes.

 Ted: Finally, doctors, if there is a mistake, don’t admit it to the patient. Of course, if the patient is deceased - and you’re sure - you can feel free to tell him or her… anything.

Elliot: I know what you’re thinking–
J.D.: [thinking] Your butt looks like two Pringles hugging. [speaking] No you don’t.
J.D.: I’m, uh, I’m waiting for someone.
Janitor: Door’s broke. Fifth time or so it won’t open.
J.D.: Maybe there’s a penny stuck in there.
Janitor: Why a penny?
J.D.: I don’t know…
Janitor: D’you stick a penny in there?
J.D.: No, no, I was just making small talk.
Janitor: If I find a penny in there… I’m takin’ you down.
Dr. Cox: Geez, J.D., would you be a man? Lookit, if you can’t stick to your convictions, you’ll never make it as a doctor.
[J.D. shuts his eyes and screams; his head explodes]
Dr. Cox: I can’t believe your head exploded. If your head explodes, you’ll never make it as a doctor. [fade to black] I mean, come on, you look ridiculous.

Dr. Cox: What in the name of Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret were you thinking?

J.D.: Your ex-wife. She’s the answer.
Dr. Cox: Uhhh… Things that ruined my life. Things that took half my money. Things with sharp edges!
J.D.: [as Robin in a daydream] Holy inferiority complex, Batman! How low is my self esteem that I’m the sidekick in my own fantasy?
Turk: [as Batman] It could be worse. You could be Alfred the butler.
J.D.: [as Alfred] Curse you, sir.  
Turk: I just want you to know how serious I am about what I do.
J.D: Did you stitch your initials in to me?!
Turk: That’s not important.
J.D.: You’re wrong.
Turk: You’re so wrong.
Dr. Cox: [to Carla, to the tune of Westminster Quarters] Wrong wrong wrong wrong, wrong wrong wrong wrong. You’re wrong. You’re wrong. You’re wro-o-ong.

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