The Office Quotes 4 w/Jim & Dwight Compilation

February 28, 2008 at 4:35 pm (Quotes, Television, Video)

Here are the continuing adventures of The Office…and their quotes.

Michael:[to the Hooters waitress] Hi, Dana. I’m Michael and this is Jim. And we’re brothers.
Jim: No, we’re not.

Michael: I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I’m talking about.
Stanley: That’s not what what a hate crime is.
Michael: Well I hated it. A lot!

Michael: Last week I would’ve given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would’ve reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them, but now, no. I don’t have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask so they can hear me say, “Uhh…no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney.”

Jim: What do you think of Kelly?
Ryan: I don’t know. It depends if you like a little junk in the… [Sees camera] She’s really cool.

Jan: I don’t know what you’re doing here, Michael, but it’s very disruptive.
Michael: Just having a little “Guys in the Workplace” thing. [to the men] Why can’t boys play with dolls? Why does society force us to use urinals, when sitting down is far more comfortable?
Jan: Can you please do this somewhere else, Michael?

Michael: Now you may look around and see two groups here: white-collar and blue-collar. But I don’t see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar blind.

Jan: Why don’t we go around the table and all say something that we know we’re good at? I will start. I am good at public speaking.
Meredith: Hi, I’m Meredith, and I’m an al– good at supplier relations.

Michael: Rich people like pizza, poor people like pizza. White people like pizza, black people like pizza. [pause] Do black people like pizza?

Michael: Pam, I’m public speaking, so please stop public interrupting me.

Jim: Dwight, if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Dwight: I can travel anywhere, except Cuba, and I will travel to New Zealand and walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor and I will hike Mount Doom.

Dwight: When I was in the 6th grade, I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I mispelled, in front of the entire school, the word ‘failure’.

Pam: I am actually looking forward to Take Your Daughter to Work day. I am not great with kids, but I want to get better. Because I’m getting married. So I put out a bunch of extra candy on my desk so the kids will come talk to me. Like the witch in Hansel and Gretel.

Michael: The kids don’t wanna hear some weirdo book that your Nazi war criminal grandma read to you!
Sasha: What’s a Nazi?
Michael: ‘What’s a Nazi?’?
Dwight: Nazi was a fascist movement from the 1930’s–
Michael: No no no! Don’t talk about Nazis in front of– You know what? They’re gonna have nightmares so why don’t you just shut it?
Dwight: I was gonna teach the children how to make cornhusk dolls.
Michael: [sighs] Why don’t you just leave? Okay?
Dwight: Okay.
Jake: Bye Mr. Poop.
Michael: Alright. There goes Mr. Poop. Now, who likes Dane Cook?

Creed: [to the kids] Ya ever seen a foot with four toes?

Michael: Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and… I have a great one. [types something] ‘Little Kid Lover’. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.

Michael: I’m like Superman and the people who work here are like the citizens of Gotham City.
Jim and Dwight: That’s Batman.
Michael: Okay, fine, I’ll be Aquaman. Where does he live?
Jim and Dwight: The ocean.
Michael: I work with a bunch of nerds!

Dwight: (After he didn’t tip the sub man) Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.

Toby: Didn’t you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from that e-mail?
Michael: You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed King of Nigeria e-mails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?

Jim: I’m just saying you can’t be sure that it wasn’t you.
Dwight: That’s ridiculous. Of course it wasn’t me.
Jim: [holds up picture] Marijuana is a memory loss drug. So maybe you just don’t remember.
Dwight: I would remember.
Jim: How could you, if it just erased your memory?
Dwight: That’s not how it works!
Jim: Now, how do you know how it works?
Dwight: Knock it off! OK, now I am interviewing you!
Jim: No, you said that I’d be conducting the interviewing when I walked in here. [raising voice] NOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH POT DID YOU SMOKE?

Dwight: You might remember testing my urine a few years back, when I was applying to be a volunteer sheriff’s deputy.
Linda: We test a lot of urine.
Dwight: Mine was green.
Linda: [disgusted] Oh, right. How are you?
Dwight: All better.

I apologize for the ending credits.



  1. The James said,

    Groovy! That is the funniest thing I have ever read in my entire life. This post has brought unparalleled levels of joy into my life. And, yes, I am only saying this because you are sitting right next to me as I type this….HE WON’T LEAVE ME ALONE!!! 😉

  2. The James said,

    That was a funny vid….I am gonna remember those things….hahhahahhhah

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