The Office Quotes 6

April 3, 2008 at 2:52 pm (Quotes, Television)

Here are some more of the great quotes from The Office.

Michael: Tonight, one of our most ethnic co-workers, Kelly, has invited us all to a Diwali celebration put on by her community. “What is Diwali?” you may ask. Well, to have Kelly explain it, “It’s, blah blah blah blah. It’s so super, fun, and it’s gonna be great!” Lot of gods with unpronouncable names. Twenty minutes later, you find out that it is essentially a Hindu Halloween.

Dwight: Diwali is a celebration of the coronation of the God-king Rama, after his epic battle with Ravina, the demon-king of Lanka. It symbolizes the battle between good and evil.
Michael: All right, all right. This isn’t Lord of the Rings.

Dwight: [interrupting Michael talking about M. Night Shamaylan] I see dead people.
Michael: Okay! Spoiler alert!
Dwight: He was dead the whole time.
Michael: Just stop it!

Phyllis: Isn’t this fun? Not wearing shoes?
Angela: I wish some of us still had our shoes on.
Kevin: Stop it! It’s a disease! I told you!

Andy: [to Jim’s singing] TUNA! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?

Jim: Hey, can I have a ride, man? I, uh, I have my bike.
Andy: No way, dude. I am not driving home. I brought an inflatable bed for just such occasions. You’re welcome to share it, though. It’s a roomy twin.
Jim: I’m okay.

Dwight: When you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense. You can read their moods like a book. And right now, the title of Michael’s book is.. “Something Weird Is Going On…colon…What Did Jan Say? The Michael Scott Story…by Michael Scott. With Dwight Schrute.”

Michael: [trying to delicately break the news to his staff] Um, listen up everybody, I have some news… We are screwed. Dunder Mifflin Scranton is being shut down.

Jim: I don’t have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left, I took a box of Dwight’s stationery, so from time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future. [reading fax] “Dwight, at 8am today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight.”
[Dwight receives the fax and reads it. He spots Stanley about to drink a cup of coffee]
Dwight: Noooooooooo! [smacks the cup out of Stanley’s hands] You’ll thank me later.

Jim: I always knew that the branch would shut down someday. I just figured it would be because Michael would sell the building for some magic beans.

Dwight: The Japanese camp guards of World War Two always chose one man to kill whenever a batch of new prisoners arrived. I always wondered how they chose the man who was to die. I think I would have been good at choosing the person.

Andy: I’ll be the number-two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake. I’m always thinking one step ahead. Like a… carpenter… that makes stairs.

Michael: [To Martin Nash, who is black] Follow me, I will show you where all the slaves work. Uh, not so…

Michael: Sometimes what brings the kids together is hating the lunch lady. Although that’ll change. Because, by the end of the fourth grade, the lunch lady was actually the person I hung out with the most.

Michael: Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish Josh had made a more progressive choice. Like a white guy. Who went to prison for…polluting a black guy’s lake.

Michael: You show me a white man you trust, and I will show you a black man that I trust even more. Pam, tell me a white person you trust.
Pam: My dad.
Michael: Danny Glover. [Jim raises hand] Yeah?
Jim: Jonas Salk.
Michael: Who?
Jim: Justin Timberlake?
Michael: Oh, please. Colin Powell!
Karen: Hey, I got one.
Michael: Yeah?
Karen: Jesus.
Michael: Apollo Creed.

Karen: You can’t give paper clips to a baby. He might swallow them.
Creed: Oh it’s okay, I’ve got tons of them.

Michael: Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What’s he wearing? Nothing special. Baseball cap on backwards. Baggy pants. He says something ordinary, like ‘Yo, that’s shizzle.’ Okay, now slowly open your eyes again. Who were you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you.

Michael: What was the worst part about prison? The dementors. They flew around and sucked out your soul. and it hurt.

Jim: [raises hand to ask another question] What did you do, Prison Mike?
Prison Mike: I stole. And I robbed. And I kidnapped, the President’s son. And held him for ransom.
Jim: That is quite the rapsheet Prison Mike.
Prison Mike: And I never got caught neither!
Jim: Well, you are in prison. But mmhmm.

Dwight: [bringing in a dead goose] I accidentally ran over it. It’s a Christmas miracle!

Jim: It’s a bold move to Photoshop yourself into a picture with your girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father. But then again, Michael’s a bold guy. [pause] Is bold the right word?

Michael: I’d like everybody’s attention. Christmas is cancelled.
Stanley: You can’t cancel a holiday.
Michael: Keep it up Stanley and you’ll lose New Year’s.
Stanley: What’s that mean?
Michael: Jim, take New Year’s away from Stanley.

Michael: [listening to a 30-second sample of a James Blunt’s “Goodbye My Lover” over and over] I don’t need to buy it…I just want to taste it…

Kevin: I hear Angela’s party will have double fudge brownies. But it will also have Angela….

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