Chuck-Jeffster’s Mr. Roboto

April 29, 2009 at 6:30 am (Weapons of Mass Enjoyment)

With the possible cancellation of one of the best show’s out there, Chuck (Here’s hoping they go for Season 3), here is one of the best and funniest scenes from the finale.

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Monkey Fightin’ Snakes

April 21, 2009 at 6:08 pm (Movies, Television, Video)

This is probably one of THE funniest things I’ve watched in a good while. If you know you’re B movie, you’ll remember Snakes on a Plane, Samuel L. Jackson’s action romp back in 2006. Last night FX premiered the movie on it’s network, and of course had to edit Jackson’s tendency to want to drop the f bomb. What came to pass wasn’t just bleepings or the wiping away of the audio, but was one of the funniest line corrections in the history of television. PLEASE WATCH. 

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Windwaker Acoustic

April 19, 2009 at 4:33 pm (Weapons of Mass Enjoyment)

This is pretty much total nerd fest, but it’s pretty awesome. Anywho, this guy basically blows minds with his acoustic version of the theme from “The Legend of Zelda: Windwaker”.

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Knowing Review

April 16, 2009 at 4:02 pm (Movies)

If I could really rate movie based on their different parts, the beginning of Knowing would be a 4, the middle, a 5, then the ending, a 2. However, I can’t really do that, so I am forced to review this movie as a whole. I really wanted and expected to totally love this movie, seeing as I am a really big fan of Nicolas Cage and his numerous thriller/action/mystery movies like National Treasure. However, Knowing, thanks to an incredibly flawed ending and some strange pacing, fails to deliver that excitement set forth. The plot (which did have a lot of promise) follows Dr. John Koestler, a skeptical man about the fates of eternity, and his son when they stumble upon a 50 year old note foretelling all of the world’s major disasters that have occurred within the past 50 years. Each contains the date, number of causalities, and the latitude/longitude of the event. That is, except for 3 events which have yet to occur. John sets out to make it his mission to stop these events and figure out the mystery behind the events before it spells the end for the entirety of mankind. If you’re familiar at all with the feel of National Treasure and the way Nicolas Cage rushes from goal to goal to complete his goals, then there’s enough here of that for your money’s worth. Seeing Cage go from skeptic to obsessed believer is a believable transformation. It’s also really interesting and fun to see him go, do his Nicolas Cage thing, try to figure out the clues and save lives from these impending tragedies. The middle 1/2 of the movie (after the beginning and before the end) really had me hooked. You could almost label this as “Ben Gates vs. The Aliens and The Apocalypse”. The movie is also great, as stated earlier, at providing heart-pounding, edge of your seat action, the main three disaster sequences at best. From the horror scenes having Cage race to save his son, to seeing him pleading to save lives with this clairvoyance, Proyas knows how to entertain. It can almost reach the level of summer movie action. To add onto that, the movie also had a really strong story, that is almost entirely believable. I was sitting in the theater, thinking to myself “this could really happen”. Knowing the director, Alex Proyas, who also directed I, Robot, you can sorta tell that he made this movie as well. However wherein I, Robot was a really good movie that had a really good and shocking ending, Knowing’s ending is shocking, but is nowhere near as strong. I won’t spoil the ending for anyone, however it almost ruins the movie. There is a state of mind where I see that it could make sense, but there must have been so many other, so many OTHER BETTER IDEAS for them to use instead of the ones that they did for the end. It’s almost like you get this really great setup and buildup for an ending, then it all just falls apart in the last 20 minutes. If you’re a big fan of Nicolas Cage like me, this isn’t a wasted trip to the theater, or even a wasted rent. There’s enough heart pounding action and mystery in the first 3/4 of the movie to justify seeing it on DVD for the casual thriller fan or seeing it in theaters for the fans of National Treasure, but I’d almost suggest leaving the theater, or silently turning off the DVD player for the ending. Let your own mind create an ending for the movie. 

4 out of 5

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BETA CONVENTION ’09

April 12, 2009 at 10:15 pm (Weapons of Mass Enjoyment)

It’s that time of year again, I’m heading off for a few days to Beta Convention 2009 for the next 3 days, so, as always, I’ll leave with a video. This time there were two I decided to leave. One’s just classic funny, the other is a display of sheer awesome. It truly inspires awe. See you all in a few days.

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Bioshock Review

April 12, 2009 at 9:53 pm (Video Games)

I hope everyone thinks twice before flying over the Atlantic from now on… Because you never know what might be lurking underneath. For all you know, it could be Rapture, the setting of one of my new favorite games of all time, Bioshock. The plot, or an incredibly simple summary of it, goes as follows. Jack Ryan is a seemingly normal guy aboard a flight over the Atlantic, and crashes in the middle of the ocean. He then enters into the underwater hell that is Rapture, a forgotten utopia run by the legendary Andrew Ryan, and now overrun by corrupted once-humans, splicers. How can I sum this up….. Go buy Bioshock now. You can get it for $30 on either the 360 or the PS3, that’s a bargain for this kind of game. This game shines brighter than the sun with such a breathtaking attention to detail in the game that really blew me away. Every nook, cranny, hallway, enemy possession (that you can loot), half of which the casual gamer won’t see, is riddled with astounding detail and thought. This all pans together to provide a truly “used” and creepy atmosphere. Walking in to a corridor, seeing corpses lying around (half of which may not be dead), blood smears on the walls, faded ads, and the faint cry of a big daddy in the background make you feel as if the room has just been evacuated, or that there’s something to be running from. The superb 50s/60s art design also helps the game’s atmosphere. All in all, you have a beautiful and incredibly cinematic game experience. The story in the game will literally blow your mind. Simply there’s so much intrigue, betrayal, corruption, it’s impossible to explain. You really feel like you’re Jack Ryan trying to escape this underwater hellhole, and, towards the end of the game, it’s new boss. 

The game is also incredible as far as it’s combat goes. Although I found the system to be a little repetitive towards the end of the game (partially my own lack of creativity), the game does a great job of combining standard gunning gameplay with different, upgradable powers, called plasmids like fire, ice, insect swarm, and so many more. Throughout the game there are different upgrade stations that allow the highest level of creativity, to truly let the mind wander and let the player fight the way they want. I personally used heavier weapons like the crossbow to take out big daddies and large splicer crowds, while letting my creative juices flow with plasmids in times of need or to weaken opponents. Ultimately, you’re choosing the best path to fight against some of the creepiest opponents I’ve encountered. Splicers are basically humans who have used too many plasmids, and gone insane. Sometimes injured, halves of faces, and even limbs will be missing from some of the darker counterparts. Nothing is creepier than walking into a dark room with nothing but a pistol hearing “Jesus loves me” being quietly sung. They will attack you, they will go in groups, and they will do anything to kill you. Also, they crawl on ceilings. Spiderman this ain’t. No enemy compares thought to the Big Daddy, Bioshock’s poster boy. Basically, before you engage them, have a plan, or you WILL die. Big Daddy’s main missions are to protect Little Sisters, who carry the lifeblood of Rapture, ADAM, and to keep them safe. Believe me, I know from experience they will rip you to shreds to keep them safe. The entire game can even be looked at as a choice. Will you be a saviour to Rapture, saving all the Little Sisters and choosing the path of least resistance, or will you be the strong giant choosing to go, with all guns blazing and harvesting Little Sisters for your own needs and wants, to overthrow Rapture? Let’s just say I wasn’t too nice, and they let me know. The game did lose a little bit of steam in spots,  especially towards the very end of the game, but that by no means it wasn’t enjoyable during those spots. Bioshock is called an essential gaming experience, and I can whole-heartedly agree. I truly believe all gamers, or even those looking into art, can find something to appreciate in Bioshock. This is a magnificent game and gaming experience that is worth all of $30. An incredible story, a breath-taking and haunting atmosphere, and true and fun combat system all tie in to one of the best games I’ve played in a while. So go, venture into Rapture, hope you make it back soon. 

5 out of 5

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Yes Man Review

April 9, 2009 at 9:59 pm (Movies)

I’m gonna have to say “yes” to this one. The comedy Yes Man may not have blown me away, but it is definitely worth the time of any fan of silly comedies, or especially a fan some of Jim Carrey’s work. You literally don’t have to know anything but the title to understand the premise of this movie. Carl Allen (Jim Carrey) says no to literally everything in his life, including moving forward in his job or being daring enough to have a good time. That is until he goes to a seminar on Yes Men, people that say yes to everything, hilariously led by Terence Howard, who movie fans might recognize from one of my favorite comedies of 08, Get Smart. The basic premise is that ol’ Jim has to do all these crazy things because he’s promised he’ll say yes forever! The movie is pretty funny, I laughed quite a few times pretty much just at Carrey’s goofball antics we’ve come to know him for. Almost all the zany situations involving Carrey do something out of his element for laughs can be hysterical at times (the guitar scene immediately standing out as my favorite), even if you’ve already seen 97% of them in the trailer (I have a bone to pick with trailer editors…). If you relax and let the silly fun ooze and infect your mind (in the good way) you can and will enjoy this movie. Just seeing Jim and his buds hang out and take advantage of his covenant made for some of my favorite scenes. There’s really not much to say about this movie, just besides that it’s a really funny and enjoyable comedy. I did feel that they could have went a little more out with it, I could kinda tell it was a Winter comedy. Also some of the time Jim Carrey plays a little too thin, sometimes he’s trying too hard to be funny, other times he’s just expecting you to laugh when he makes a funny face. The romance in the movie is pretty sweet, Zooey Deschannel is pretty hot, even though Jim Carrey kinda looks like a pedophile with her. Hey, at least he’s a funny pedophile, the kinda that will make you laugh before making you take off your pants. This is just one of those movies you can’t put too much thought into. I really enjoyed this movie, I won’t buy it, but I really liked it, and I thought it was worth my moderately-hard-earned $2.50. So if you like Jim Carrey or silly humor, or just fun movies, Yes Man is 100% worth a rent. (See I went without making a “yes” pun at the end.) This is just one of those guaranteed fun time movies.

4 out of 5

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Slumdog Millionaire Review

April 2, 2009 at 7:37 pm (Movies)

I literally five minutes ago got through watching Slumdog Millionaire… Long story short, rent it please. You will be very glad you did. Slumdog has received so much critical applause and praise, I thought it would be really really hard for it to live up to all of that hype, so I was a little skeptical going into the movie. However, by the time the opening credits began, I was hooked until the ending credits flickered out. Slumdog Millionaire is the simple yet captivating story of Jamal Malib (spell check hates me right now), an ordinary man who is suspected of cheating one night before his final question on India’s version of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire. Jamal is simply able to answer the questions based on his own past experiences. For example, he’s able to answer who’s on the 100 Dollar Bill by remembering when he offered 100 dollars to a beggar friend of his. I personally thought of it as an Indian Forrest Gump. 

I really have to say, Director Danny Boyle did an incredible job directing this movie. The excellent use of still shots and slow motion, not to mention the understandable coordination with his flashbacks shows extraordinary skill as a director, and proves a mesmerizing 2 hours on screen that captures the imagination. The massive story chronicling Malib’s life is a massive tale, including everything from Indian Gangs, Money Schemes, and Prostitution running rampant through the Asian country. By the end of the movie you’re truly rooting for Jamal to complete his journey, find the girl of his dreams, and feel truly bad for some of the more unfortunate turnouts for some of his colleagues. The story in the movie spans a 20 year time period, and has more turns than a German Autobahn. This isn’t just some movie you rent and grudge your way through, this is a two hour long movie epic that will have you on the edge of your seat. Danny Boyle also showed off his superb directing chops by really really really giving a great and vivid perspective and feel of an Indian Experience. Whether that’s by showing the vast landscapes, gritty underbelly, or beautiful suburbs of the grand country, or by serenading the movie with Indian tunes that go perfectly with the movie and its feel. The entire movie is a vivid experience that alone serves as a tour of the beautiful country of India. I’m really trying to keep this review short and sweet, but then again it’s hard to describe a movie that’s just really really good and you just need to see to believe. Slumdog Millionaire is now one of my top ten favorite movies ever, I’ll probably buy this on DVD, and might even see if I can get the poster from my video store. Either way, I’m hitting ’em up. Slumdog Millionaire is a movie epic that everyone needs to see. It will have you laughing hysterically, and yelling at your TV to “just answer the phone”. It’s a fun, captivating, never-slow movie experience that brings a guaranteed good time, that brings you on a 20 year journey through the life of a slumdog, and will leave you cheering.

5 out of 5

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Top Ten Things I’m Looking Forward to This Spring

April 1, 2009 at 8:43 pm (Top Ten, Weapons of Mass Enjoyment)

It’s the first day of April, and that means the Spring is already here. (I was setting that sentence up differently.) Spring is for sure my favorite time of year, it’s not too hot, not too cold (hopefully here in a few weeks), and some great things can come from the middle of the temperature road season. Here are the top ten things I’m looking forward to this Spring ’09.

  1. Going Places-Sure, it’s a little vague, but this time of year is when I am the busiest. The cold weather is leaving, and as Bob Dylan would say, The Times Are A Changin’. I’ve got several things planned for this Spring that should all be fun like spending a week in a program up north, Church Camp, and some good ol’ fashioned Church Camp. Plus Beta Convention 2009!!!
  2. My Birthday-I finally get to drive on carpool…
  3. Softball Season-Softball season means working for softball, which means I get to work outside again and get in trouble again with the scary umpires for talking during halftimes.
  4. Graduation-Seeing all my older friends leave, then being like that forgotten puppy at the pet store when they’re the ones leaving and I’m not. Looks like more lunch food for me…. Suckers….
  5. Window Driving/AC-I know longer have to wait 30 minutes and use 1/2 a tank warming up my truck in the mornings…
  6. Sno Cones at the Ballpark-Then regretting every minute of it freezing it off after you chug it shaking like a wet dog…
  7. Shorts-They’re like miniature pants in the non-weird way.
  8. Taking a Social Break During the Early Summer-Cause sometimes there are those friends you’ll miss for three months, then there are those you’ve had all you can stand…..
  9. The Soloist-I’m almost guaranteeing I’ll love this Robert Downey Jr. movie…. Plus, it comes out on my birthday, how convenient….
  10. Wearing Shorts in the Day and A Frickin’ Jacket at Night-Oh wait, I’m NOT looking forward to Mother Nature being freakin’ bipolar…

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Watchmen Quotes

April 1, 2009 at 8:17 pm (Comics, Movies, Quotes)

Something that I, DS, and even Meredith have been doing over the past few weeks has been quoting the new, must-see-if-you’ve-read-the-book Watchmen, from visionary director Zack Snyder. (Man I was so sick and tired of hearing that and having it blown into my ears every time I watched American Idol….. I mean wrestling.) The movie is infinitely quotable (we’ve deemed it the new TDK), and here are a few samples of it’s quoty-greatness.

Edward Blake/The Comedian-

  • Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.
  • Yeah. Yeah, that’s right. Pregnant woman. Gunned her down. Bang. And y’know what? You watched me. You coulda changed the gun into steam or the bullets into mercury or the bottle into snowflakes! You coulda teleported either of us to goddamn Australia…but you didn’t lift a finger! You don’t really give a damn about human beings. I’ve watched you. You never cared about whatsername, Janey Slater, even before you ditched her. Soon you won’t be interested in Sally Jupiter’s little girl, either. You’re driftin’ outta touch, Doc. You’re turnin’ into a flake. 
  • God help us all.
  • It don’t matter squat because inside thirty years the nukes are gonna be flyin’ like maybugs…and then Ozzy here is gonna be the smartest man on the cinder. Now, pardon me, but I got an appointment. See you in the funny papers.

Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias-

  • Do it? Dan, I’m not a Republic serial villain. Do you seriously think I’d explain my master-stroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I did it thirty-five minutes ago.
  • [after Nite Owl asks what he would have done if his hired assassin had shot him first] I suppose I’d have had to catch the bullet, wouldn’t I?[smirks]
  • [Tearfully]I did it…I DID IT!
  • An intractable problem can only be resolved by stepping beyond conventional solutions.

Daniel Dreiburg/Nite Owl II-

  • (Reacting to an insult from Rorschach) Who the hell do you think you are? You live off people while insulting them, nobody complains because they think you’re a goddamned lunatic… Do you know how hard it is being your friend?

Jon Osterman/Dr. Manhattan-

  • She says I am like a god now. I tell her I don’t think there is a god. And if there is I’m nothing like him.
  • I’ve walked across the sun. I’ve seen events so tiny and so fast they hardly can be said to have occurred at all, but you… you are a man. And this world’s smartest man means no more to me than does its smartest termite.
  • We’re all puppets, Laurie. I’m just a puppet who can see the strings.
  • A live body and a dead body contain the same number of particles. Structurally, there’s no discernible difference. Life and death are unquantifiable abstracts. Why should I be concerned?

Rorschach-

  • This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face.
  • Soon there will be war. Millions will burn. Millions will perish in sickness and misery. Why does one death matter against so many?Because there is good and there is evil, and evil must be punished. Even in the face of Armageddon I shall not compromise in this. But there are so many deserving of retribution … and there is so little time.
  • News vendor: “I see the world didn’t end yesterday.” Kovacs: “Are you sure?”
  • (Asked to look at an inkblot test and tell what he sees, he pictures a dog with its forehead sliced open) A pretty butterfly.
  • None of you understand. I’m not locked up in here with you. You’re locked up in here with me.
  • (Recollecting killing a dog who was chewing on the bone of a kidnapped girl) Shock of impact ran along my arm. Jet of warmth spattered on chest, like hot faucet. It was Kovacs who said “Mother” then, muffled under latex. It was Kovacs who closed his eyes. It was Rorschach who opened them again.
  • Stood in firelight, sweltering. Bloodstain on chest like map of violent new continent. Felt cleansed. Felt dark planet turn under my feet and knew what cats know that makes them scream like babies in night. Looked at sky through smoke heavy with human fat and God was not there. The cold, suffocating dark goes on forever and we are alone. Live our lives, lacking anything better to do. Devise reason later. Born from oblivion; bear children, hell-bound as ourselves, go into oblivion. There is nothing else. Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children. Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It’s us. Only us. Streets stank of fire. The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. Was reborn then, free to scrawl own design on this morally blank world. Was Rorschach. Does that answer your questions, Doctor?
  • Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says “Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says “But, doctor…I am Pagliacci.” Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.
  • (In Rorschach’s Journal) Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout “Save us!”… and I’ll look down and whisper “No.” They had a choice, all of them. They could have followed in the footsteps of good men like my father or President Truman. Decent men who believed in a day’s work for a day’s pay. Instead they followed the droppings of lechers and communists and didn’t realize that the trail led over a precipice until it was too late. Don’t tell me they didn’t have a choice. Now the whole world stands on the brink, staring down into bloodly Hell, all those liberals and intellectuals and smooth-talkers… and all of a sudden nobody can’t think of anything to say.

(There are plenty of other great Rorschach quotes I cut out to save space that are worthy of a check.)

Other Dialogue-

[Rorschach informs the former Nite Owl II of the Comedian’s death.]
Dan Dreiberg: Maybe this was a political killing?
Rorschach: Maybe. Or maybe someone’s picking off costumed heroes.
Dreiberg: Um. Don’t you think that’s maybe a little paranoid?
Rorschach: That’s what they’re saying about me now? That I’m paranoid?
Rorschach: Used to come here often, back when we were partners.
Dreiberg: Oh. Uh, yeah… yeah, those were great times, Rorschach. Great times. Whatever happened to them?
Rorschach[exiting] You quit.
[Dan and The Comedian, in the midst of a riot]
Dan Dreiberg: But the country’s disintegrating. What’s happened to America? What’s happened to the American dream?.
The Comedian[brandishing shotgun] It came true. You’re lookin’ at it. Now c’mon… let’s really put these jokers through some changes.
[Veidt and Rorschach discuss potential suspects in the Comedian’s murder.]
Adrian Veidt: The Comedian had plenty of other political enemies to choose from, even discounting the Russians. The man was practically a Nazi.
Rorschach: He stood up for his country, Veidt. Never let anyone retire him. Never cashed in on his reputation. Never set up a company selling posters and diet books and toy soldiers based on himself. Never became a prostitute. If that makes him a Nazi, you might as well call me a Nazi, too.
Edgar Jacobi: Heh. Well, you know that kind of cancer that you get better from eventually?
Rorschach: Yes.
Edgar Jacobi: Well, that ain’t the kind of cancer I got.
Dr. Malcolm Long: Hello, Rorschach. How are you today?
Rorschach: In prison. Yourself?
Rorschach[examining the same inkblot test, the second time, and answering honestly] Dog. Dog with head split in half.
Dr. Long: And, uh. What do you think split the dog’s head. In half.
RorschachI did.
Nite-Owl: Rorschach…? Rorschach, wait! Where are you going? This is too big to be hard-assed about! We have to compromise!
Rorschach: No. Not even in the face of Armageddon. Never compromise.
Adrian Veidt: I did the right thing, didn’t I? It all worked out in the end.
Dr. Manhattan: ‘In the end’? Nothing ends, Adrian. Nothing ever ends.
Doctor Manhattan: Where are you going?
Rorschach: Back to owlship. Back to America. Evil must be punished. People must be told.
Doctor Manhattan: Rorshach… you know I can’t let you do that.
Rorschach: Huhhh… of course. Must protect Veidt’s new utopia. One more body amongst foundations makes little difference. Well? What are you waiting for? Do it.
Doctor Manhattan: Rorshach…
Rorschach: DO IT!!!!

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