Watchmen Quotes

April 1, 2009 at 8:17 pm (Comics, Movies, Quotes)

Something that I, DS, and even Meredith have been doing over the past few weeks has been quoting the new, must-see-if-you’ve-read-the-book Watchmen, from visionary director Zack Snyder. (Man I was so sick and tired of hearing that and having it blown into my ears every time I watched American Idol….. I mean wrestling.) The movie is infinitely quotable (we’ve deemed it the new TDK), and here are a few samples of it’s quoty-greatness.

Edward Blake/The Comedian-

  • Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.
  • Yeah. Yeah, that’s right. Pregnant woman. Gunned her down. Bang. And y’know what? You watched me. You coulda changed the gun into steam or the bullets into mercury or the bottle into snowflakes! You coulda teleported either of us to goddamn Australia…but you didn’t lift a finger! You don’t really give a damn about human beings. I’ve watched you. You never cared about whatsername, Janey Slater, even before you ditched her. Soon you won’t be interested in Sally Jupiter’s little girl, either. You’re driftin’ outta touch, Doc. You’re turnin’ into a flake. 
  • God help us all.
  • It don’t matter squat because inside thirty years the nukes are gonna be flyin’ like maybugs…and then Ozzy here is gonna be the smartest man on the cinder. Now, pardon me, but I got an appointment. See you in the funny papers.

Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias-

  • Do it? Dan, I’m not a Republic serial villain. Do you seriously think I’d explain my master-stroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I did it thirty-five minutes ago.
  • [after Nite Owl asks what he would have done if his hired assassin had shot him first] I suppose I’d have had to catch the bullet, wouldn’t I?[smirks]
  • [Tearfully]I did it…I DID IT!
  • An intractable problem can only be resolved by stepping beyond conventional solutions.

Daniel Dreiburg/Nite Owl II-

  • (Reacting to an insult from Rorschach) Who the hell do you think you are? You live off people while insulting them, nobody complains because they think you’re a goddamned lunatic… Do you know how hard it is being your friend?

Jon Osterman/Dr. Manhattan-

  • She says I am like a god now. I tell her I don’t think there is a god. And if there is I’m nothing like him.
  • I’ve walked across the sun. I’ve seen events so tiny and so fast they hardly can be said to have occurred at all, but you… you are a man. And this world’s smartest man means no more to me than does its smartest termite.
  • We’re all puppets, Laurie. I’m just a puppet who can see the strings.
  • A live body and a dead body contain the same number of particles. Structurally, there’s no discernible difference. Life and death are unquantifiable abstracts. Why should I be concerned?

Rorschach-

  • This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face.
  • Soon there will be war. Millions will burn. Millions will perish in sickness and misery. Why does one death matter against so many?Because there is good and there is evil, and evil must be punished. Even in the face of Armageddon I shall not compromise in this. But there are so many deserving of retribution … and there is so little time.
  • News vendor: “I see the world didn’t end yesterday.” Kovacs: “Are you sure?”
  • (Asked to look at an inkblot test and tell what he sees, he pictures a dog with its forehead sliced open) A pretty butterfly.
  • None of you understand. I’m not locked up in here with you. You’re locked up in here with me.
  • (Recollecting killing a dog who was chewing on the bone of a kidnapped girl) Shock of impact ran along my arm. Jet of warmth spattered on chest, like hot faucet. It was Kovacs who said “Mother” then, muffled under latex. It was Kovacs who closed his eyes. It was Rorschach who opened them again.
  • Stood in firelight, sweltering. Bloodstain on chest like map of violent new continent. Felt cleansed. Felt dark planet turn under my feet and knew what cats know that makes them scream like babies in night. Looked at sky through smoke heavy with human fat and God was not there. The cold, suffocating dark goes on forever and we are alone. Live our lives, lacking anything better to do. Devise reason later. Born from oblivion; bear children, hell-bound as ourselves, go into oblivion. There is nothing else. Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children. Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It’s us. Only us. Streets stank of fire. The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. Was reborn then, free to scrawl own design on this morally blank world. Was Rorschach. Does that answer your questions, Doctor?
  • Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says “Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says “But, doctor…I am Pagliacci.” Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.
  • (In Rorschach’s Journal) Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout “Save us!”… and I’ll look down and whisper “No.” They had a choice, all of them. They could have followed in the footsteps of good men like my father or President Truman. Decent men who believed in a day’s work for a day’s pay. Instead they followed the droppings of lechers and communists and didn’t realize that the trail led over a precipice until it was too late. Don’t tell me they didn’t have a choice. Now the whole world stands on the brink, staring down into bloodly Hell, all those liberals and intellectuals and smooth-talkers… and all of a sudden nobody can’t think of anything to say.

(There are plenty of other great Rorschach quotes I cut out to save space that are worthy of a check.)

Other Dialogue-

[Rorschach informs the former Nite Owl II of the Comedian’s death.]
Dan Dreiberg: Maybe this was a political killing?
Rorschach: Maybe. Or maybe someone’s picking off costumed heroes.
Dreiberg: Um. Don’t you think that’s maybe a little paranoid?
Rorschach: That’s what they’re saying about me now? That I’m paranoid?
Rorschach: Used to come here often, back when we were partners.
Dreiberg: Oh. Uh, yeah… yeah, those were great times, Rorschach. Great times. Whatever happened to them?
Rorschach[exiting] You quit.
[Dan and The Comedian, in the midst of a riot]
Dan Dreiberg: But the country’s disintegrating. What’s happened to America? What’s happened to the American dream?.
The Comedian[brandishing shotgun] It came true. You’re lookin’ at it. Now c’mon… let’s really put these jokers through some changes.
[Veidt and Rorschach discuss potential suspects in the Comedian’s murder.]
Adrian Veidt: The Comedian had plenty of other political enemies to choose from, even discounting the Russians. The man was practically a Nazi.
Rorschach: He stood up for his country, Veidt. Never let anyone retire him. Never cashed in on his reputation. Never set up a company selling posters and diet books and toy soldiers based on himself. Never became a prostitute. If that makes him a Nazi, you might as well call me a Nazi, too.
Edgar Jacobi: Heh. Well, you know that kind of cancer that you get better from eventually?
Rorschach: Yes.
Edgar Jacobi: Well, that ain’t the kind of cancer I got.
Dr. Malcolm Long: Hello, Rorschach. How are you today?
Rorschach: In prison. Yourself?
Rorschach[examining the same inkblot test, the second time, and answering honestly] Dog. Dog with head split in half.
Dr. Long: And, uh. What do you think split the dog’s head. In half.
RorschachI did.
Nite-Owl: Rorschach…? Rorschach, wait! Where are you going? This is too big to be hard-assed about! We have to compromise!
Rorschach: No. Not even in the face of Armageddon. Never compromise.
Adrian Veidt: I did the right thing, didn’t I? It all worked out in the end.
Dr. Manhattan: ‘In the end’? Nothing ends, Adrian. Nothing ever ends.
Doctor Manhattan: Where are you going?
Rorschach: Back to owlship. Back to America. Evil must be punished. People must be told.
Doctor Manhattan: Rorshach… you know I can’t let you do that.
Rorschach: Huhhh… of course. Must protect Veidt’s new utopia. One more body amongst foundations makes little difference. Well? What are you waiting for? Do it.
Doctor Manhattan: Rorshach…
Rorschach: DO IT!!!!

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