The ArmRest Science

July 24, 2009 at 10:10 am (Weapons of Mass Enjoyment)

Okay I’ll pretty much come out and say it. This is one of my insane ramblings where I pretty much just took something mundane and over thought it to where I thought it was funny. We’ve all had this situation before, we’re in a theater, and we’re given a nice, cushioned arm rest to our left and to our right. However whether it’s opening night of the newest Harry Potter flick you just love so much or a group trip where everyone is forced to sit together, the question may often arise: Who is entitled to which Armrest? Well, I have developed a science of the armrest, and long-awaited answers to who owns which said armrest in a variety of situations.

A) Sitting by Yourself-Well good sir or mam, this is your perfect solution to being horribly lonely on your Monday night man-trip in an empty theater. You have the privilege of using the armrest on your right or on your left. You can lean to one side or the right, prop your feet up on the front seat’s cupholder, or hey, you can use that handicap rail as your own personal storage facility for the next 2 1/2 hours. So sit back, relax, the theater is yours to enjoy.

B) Sitting with Someone to Your Right or Left-This can be either a very simple or devilishly complicated procedure. Now, unless you two are swooning sweethearts, the same armrest cannot be shared by the two of you. Consider that the holy covenant of marriage as far as armrests go. Now, if it is just you and some other person, let’s say it’s your BFF or your bro (because real men don’t say BFF), you will need to work as a team (before or during the movie) to coordinate your armrest use. If one of you is experiencing an extreme case of B.O., the guy on the left may lean to the armrest on his left, and the other to his right. However, if both of you are in the same hygienic status, it is fairly simple to coordinate-either lean away, or both to the right or both to the left.

C) Sitting with a Group-Now, this procedure usually follows the procedure of sitting with two people, you can simply upgrade it to three or whatever the number may be. But let’s say you have some rebels within your group… If so, then that person inside the middle seat is entitled to whichever armrest they want, and then those to their left or right must adapt to the other’s decision. All that’s needed is a close attention paid to your surroundings, and to your surrounding movie goers. If you’re not careful, you might permanently damage some relationships. However, if you simply don’t have time to work out the differences and are afraid of that strange, awkward silence that comes when two arms try to inhabit the same space, you might just end up in an elbow fight wrestling match. For those that wanna have a simpler experience, everyone can simply set up a system to which everyone goes to one side, and then when that arm gets tired, everyone switches to the other side. Perfect experience for the synchronized swim team’s trip to go see the new Pirates of the Caribbean.

Of course, you could just not use armrests. But then again why would you do that?

Permalink 1 Comment

Videogame Message Board

July 22, 2009 at 8:27 pm (Weapons of Mass Enjoyment)

Below is a hilarious image I found perfectly depicting the current opinions among general console owners. Note I said general, so don’t get your panties in a bunch, just enjoy the hate.

Permalink 1 Comment

Brilliant Watchmen Marketing Strategy

July 21, 2009 at 4:05 pm (Movies, Weapons of Mass Enjoyment)

In case you didn’t know, I took a liking to the film Watchmen that came out about 4 months ago. So I was a little more excited today after taking a trip up to my doctor when I got to run by the local Target (thanks by the way Target for having impeccable facilities and a great up-to-date stock of movies) and pick up my surprisingly cheap ($22.99) Director’s Cut of Watchmen (with lenticular casing!). There was also this other guy that I met entering the store (by met I mean brushed by and was stared at awkwardly) who was on the same mission I was. The thing is with nerds and nerd movies, they’re more than happy to talk before and after the theater experience on the first go-run, but on second viewing on DVD/Blu-Ray, that’s me-time. This guy was on a mission. Anywho, I briskly walked back to the DVD section (I had a major geek moment when my heart started racing as I rounded corners), where my eyes met my DVD. Long story short I made it to the front of the store and purchased my copy. However, once I made it home to actually re-watch the movie, things turned south. After wrestling with the plastic wrap, my eyes met an ultimate horror. Inside the box (as in you could only see it once you had bought the DVD), there was a slip of paper saying quote

“OWN THE ULTIMATE WATCHMEN EXPERIENCE!!! AVAILABLE THIS HOLIDAY, LIMITED TIME ONLY!!! ULTIMATE EDITION LOADED WITH TALES OF THE BLACK FREIGHTER AND EXTRA SCENES ADDED INTO THE MOVIE, EXTRA COMMENTARIES, AND UNDER THE HOOD!!!”

Needless to say, there were shouts of rage. Don’t get me wrong, I love my copy of Watchmen, and by all means, that will be the last version of the film I buy. First, this is an incredibly sick thing to do that you don’t advertise this openly, but instead you hide it so that people will buy two versions of the movie. Granted, I did know about the possiblility of another release, but I didn’t know if it was a done deal or not. Also, I don’t know about anyone else, but although Watchmen’s a great movie, at 3 hours and 5 minutes, the running time is very very steep. Once you add in even more scenes AND The Black Freighter, this jessie’s gonna go past 4 hours. I personally believe Zack Snyder hit the mark when he shot for a 2 1/2 hour time. 4 hours is a commitment! Sure, it would be a very complete viewing experience, but at what cost? There goes your afternoon. Anyway, just wanted to vent some anger there, perfectly happy with my copy, if the price goes down to say $20 for the new one, I might upgrade, but until then I’m staying put.

*Also I finally didn’t close my eyes during the scene where Rorschach buries the hatchet in the rapist’s head, and I nearly threw up. Yep, that’s how I spent my afternoon.

Permalink 2 Comments

Public Enemies Review

July 16, 2009 at 4:28 pm (Movies)

This summer’s sleekest anti-hero is here, and he’s nearly 100 years old. Public Enemies is a side-step in a summer of modern action movies, and provides a movie going audience with a thrilling tale of the greatest criminal ever known from one of the darkest times in America. The story picks up with the rising of the criminal John Dillinger, and how he taking America and the imagination of its citizens by storm. However one man named Robert Purvis, along with the Bureau of Investigation, is standing against Dillinger’s efforts. Him and his colleagues will stop at nothing to end what could be considered the nation’s first war on terror. One of the prime eyecatchers for the movie goer might be those chosen to represent these classic American figures. Johnny Depp, one of the current most overrated actors, perfectly captures the essence of the American Robin Hood, and does so with the necessary strengthbut also with that needed charisma. Christian Bale, one of the current most underrated actors, is actually understandable in this one and performs very well going toe to toe with the nefarious Dillinger. Appearing alongside Bale and Depp is Billy Crudup (a.k.a. Dr. Manhattan), who actually wears pants in the movie, and serves as the straight stereotype of a G-man. Also featured is Marie Cotillard, who well portrays a young woman who loses her head to Dillingers bad boy persona. Michael Mann, as with previous films such as Heat and Collateral, directs the film with an expert class. Exery time we get just enough time with Purvis or Dillinger, the action switches angle to get another perspective of what’s going on. Each perspective of the topic getting just enough room. Mann also gets a thorough feel for what the 1930s were like. From the very opening jail break sequence to every single fedora/trenchcoat combo, the film bleeds of the near black and white-esque color saturation,along with bursting with color during every exchange between Depp and Bale. This jessie bleeds style. One thing at times I didn’t care for was Mann’s decision to side with a much shakier, albeit more engrossing, style of filming the frantic action. This gave me more of a grittier realistic feel of the very brave and very brutal violence, but kinda left me a little queasy. Every gunshot in the film isn’t thrown around, these shots deliver a blow, a very real hit, and the impact can be felt and seen in what could be very gory results. One aspect of the movie I did find more interesting at times was the morality play, whether or not it was intended, that Mann chose to offer. While the tone may be close to black and white, the protagonist/antagonist angle is far from. While it may seem very clear at first who’s good and who’s bad at the very beginning of the film, thanks to Purvis’ intense thirst for justice to be regained and Dillinger’s nice-guy charm and sleek motives/style that come with his acts of violence, the line quickly becomes blurred, and can be seen either way of who’s in the right and who’s in the wrong. Those who you expect to be good end up with a darker side, and vice versa. This aspect is a nice side note, an extra feature if you will, to what ultimately becomes a very long spanning crime/gangster epic. Believe me when I say “long spanning”. The movie hits a 2 1/2 hour time span, which you will feel by the final confrontation outside Dillinger’s Favorite Theater. However, just like any other epic, Public Enemies benefits from the extra time and uses it wisely to hardly ever bore the audience, and keep up with a non-stop story of one of America’s best criminals. The style is spot-on, the atmosphere is pitch perfect, the performances are mesmerizing, the action is always ruthless, and the entire package comes together in quite possibly the best movie I’ve seen all summer, despite some minor quabbles. So go now and see what there is to fear in our Public Enemies.

5 out of 5

Permalink 2 Comments