“I Wish” I Was Making This Up…

July 30, 2010 at 9:44 pm (Movies)

I don’t think I’m the only one that was familiar with the Nickelodeon show “The Fairly OddParents” growing up. The show was fairly popular and in its first few seasons it was pretty funny and one of my favorite shows growing up. That being said, as with a lot of Nickelodeon shows the series sorta jumped the shark once the baby was introduced (see the pattern cough *Dil in Rugrats* cough). After a one year “hiatus”, known in other places as a cancellation, the show was revived in early 2008 with a slew of new episodes and the show has continued on into its seventh season. The eighth season of the show is approaching and is currently in production, and to commemorate the show’s 10 year anniversary Nickelodeon is doing a live action made-for-TV movie of the series, entitled “A Fairly Odd Movie: Grow Up Timmy Turner”. After hearing the premise and seeing some of the photos, I can’t help but agree that the result so far isn’t as much fairly odd as it is disturbingly odd.

Now bear with me as I describe the plot. It may be hard to stick with it to the end, but trust me it’s worth it. Note, this is an actual film with an actual script, the word script being used as lightly as it was when George Lucas finished writing Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, with actual actors, and is not, I repeat NOT, a joke. That being said, enjoy-

Timmy Turner (being portrayed by Drake Bell from Drake and Josh), plays Timmy, who is no longer ten years old, but is 23. This is where it starts to hit the Academy Award bait, but despite common belief, he is still living at home and is still in the fifth grade. (It seems like Nickelodeon is remaking Adam Sandler movies with their classic cartoons. Billy Madison + Fairly OddParents, I sure can’t wait for Happy Gilmore + Spongebob or better yet Rugrats + Big Daddy.) Timmy is still in the fifth grade because he still wants to keep his fairy godparents, Cosmo and Wanda, despite that “Da Rules” dictates children give up their fairy godparents after a certain age or point in time. It gets better, as it turns out Cosmo and Wanda are going to be played by Jason Alexander (George Castanza from Seinfeld) (can he really not find work) and Cheryl Hines (the Mom from RV, very prestigous career). Now Timmy is forced to choose between growing up and remaining in his childish ways, I wish I had a choice like that, a choice so delusional and seemingly optional between the two, I mean how exactly can he not choose to be an adult, isn’t that called insanity? Anyway, he’s forced to choose as Tootie (remember Tootie, how delusionally psychotic and emotionally unstable you obviously became when your sister was in fact both icky and made people sicky) comes back into town and it turns out she’s hot and (on the surface) is no longer mentally unstable.  So for the kids who’ve lost track at home, he has to choose between godparents or a hot chick, if I had a nickel for every time… All of this is going on while Steven Weber (if you’ve ever watched a complete episode of any TV show, chances are he was the bad guy (radio guy from Monk)) plays an oil tycoon that, AND I QUOTE “turns his attention to capturing Timmy’s fairies and using their power to fuel his maniacal ambition.” All the while we realize Evil Vickie was executed on death row 5 years prior on charges on our judicial system’s most extreme cast yet of child abuse and first ever case to be deemed worthy of the electric chair. Okay I’ll admit I made that last part up. This film has everything, mental disorders, terrible casting, and a discovery of a new source of fuel apparently. So let’s just take a look at a breakdown here of what this movie’s about so we can all be well prepared-

  • The music business apparently didn’t work out for Drake Bell, strut that guitar all you want but Shirley ain’t hiring no more at the movie theater and the “Superhero Movie” well has already gone dry.
  • Jason Alexander is… well… in need of help.
  • Cheryl Hines may top her award-worthy RV performance with this gig.
  • Most importantly, that you can in fact ignore a girl your entire life and treat her like crap and when you yourself are on the verge of a mental breakdown she’ll show up, totally be willing to forgive you, totally hot, and that will be the perfect and only reason to be with her.
  • Mental disorders can be swept underneath a rug.
  • Girls and guys note, stalking can be forgiven if you’re hot!
  • This movie’s teaching two things A) Only attractive people can be forgiven and B) Being an Adult is a Choice
  • That whenever I, along with everyone else, turn 23 I’ll have the opportunity to choose between childhood and adulthood, George Castanza on one side and a Selena Gomez wannabe on the other.
  • That apparently fairies are an alternative to gasoline and oil, and if that’s so than I say we start the conversion over to Cosmo-powered-Toyotas.
  • (Insert Fairly OddParents/BP Oil Spill Joke here)
  • Jorgon Von Strangle is powering a whole dealership of H3 Hummers right about now.
  • I just came up with a whole Adam-Sandler-Nickelodeon-themed films. (Catdog + 50 First Dates, or should I say 25 + 25 First Dates.)
  • Josh Peck might be able to play Tommy Pickles before the year is over, and Crazy Steve might have the Angry Beavers film role all to himself (he’ll play all the characters).
  • What’s better than one mental disorder? Two mental disorders in a relationship!
  • We may get to see the first ever marriage ceremony performed in straight jackets by the end of the film.
  • What ever happened to Crazy Steve?
  • The entire film may be a spinoff of Inception, that he’s gotten the entire audience to have a horrible nightmare.

(I’m barely typing this while laughing really really hard looking at that picture at the top of the post.) If anything else this movie will have provided us with some hysterically awful photos and a pivotal scene where Cosmo has to explain to Wanda “he was in a pool!” The movie premieres on Nick sometime in 2011, so prime your DVRs!

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17 Comments

  1. Steven said,

    For those of you keeping score at home, Nick has managed to screw up:
    1.) Rugrats – creating that horrible “Grown Up” spin-off
    2.) Spongebob – continuing the series without the creator thus making the show less enjoyable and MUCH more awkward
    3.) Invader ZIM – canceling the show
    4.) Jimmy Neutron – by giving it 2-3 more seasons than it needed ALONG with a spin-off

    And now this. As if the newer cartoons aren’t bad enough, they go on and destroy the old ones.

    Nickelodeon, you used to be a great network. We’re sorry that you have passed away and have let your “special” little brother take over for you. Let us take a moment of silence to honor a once great part of our childhoods.

    May you rest in peace, oh Nickelodeon

  2. Allah Ackbar said,

    This sounds like it was written by a butthurt Timmy/Trixie shipper

  3. KingreX32 said,

    Its gonna be intresting to see how this plays out. Fairly odd parents is a funny show buy Live action. Im not too sure.

  4. The James said,

    I still don’t know if I can believe this…what is your source?

    Assuming this is true: “I want you to hit me in the head with this as hard as you can…Don’t hold back.”

    On the bright side, The Last Airbender will look great by comparison.

    What is that sound? It is the sound of my childhood being…well, you know.

    Drake Bell is officially a d-bag. (he was already on the line)

    Are you sure you are not making this up?

  5. earlman27 said,

    I promise. There’s an article on TV Guide about it, there’s a wikipedia page about it, and a lot more. I’m sorta excited to see it just to see how funny it will be in a MST3K way. hahaha love the Squidward quote.

  6. earlman27 said,

    I’ll be honest though, it did feel like a dream when I was researching it.

  7. The James said,

    1) I am so happy you caught the quote.

    2) yes, we need to watch it as a group so we can MST3K it properly, when does it come out?

    3) It felt more like a nightmare to be reading it. Who are the peoples at the bottom of the post? Can I assume that is tootie in the miidle?

  8. earlman27 said,

    A) I have a knack for that sort of thing.
    B) It’s supposed to be released sometime in 2011, probably in the Spring or Early Summer.
    C) I should have used captions, but the left one is Drake Bell, the middle is the new Tootie, and the one on the right is the villain Steven Weber.

  9. darkcloak said,

    God why!!!

  10. Nolanator said,

    C’mon Nickelodeon. After reading this I actually came up with some funny casting ideas if they wanted to make the movie like the show and not with Timmy being 23:

    Cosmo and Wanda: Jason Alexander and Cheryl Hines (They’re good enough)
    Timmy Turner: Zachary Gordan (Main Kid from “Diary of a Wimpy Kid”)
    Vicky: Emily Osment (Lily from “Hannah Montana”)
    Tootie: Chloe Grace Moretz (Hit-Girl from “Kick-Ass”)
    Mr. and Mrs. Turner: Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig (Both SNL Alumi)
    Jorgan von Strangle: Patrick Warburton (Voice of Joe on “Family Guy”)
    Chip Skylark: Justin Beiber (Teen Pop Star to Play Teen Pop Star)
    and
    Mr. Crocker: Charlie Sheen (Hahahahaha)

  11. earlman27 said,

    I would definitely see that. I like the idea of Bill Hader being the Dad. I really don’t like Patrick Warburton, I’d go all out and get Arnold Schwarzenegger.

  12. KingreX32 said,

    WOAH!!!!!!!! Hold up there Charlie Sheen as Mr Crocker no way. He couldnt be that guy. EVER!!!!

  13. The James said,

    Arnold Schwarzenegger would take the gig. He has nothing better to do, he is only a politician after all. Besides, this looks great to some of the films he has done in the past

  14. KingreX32 said,

    No Arnold couldnt play Crocker either. But I will admit it would sound funny. Mr Crocker with an Austrian accent. LMFAO!!!!!

  15. The James said,

    um…we meant Arnold as Jorgan Von Strangel

  16. KingreX32 said,

    Wow I feel very dumb right now……………………….yeah

  17. The James said,

    lol…its cool. We all have those moments.

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