After Gwen Stacey had finally been cast for the new Spiderman reboot, my brain started to swivel with ideas for who should play Mary Jane, and below is a top ten list, along with a couple of spare ideas of people that would be perfect for the part. *Keep in mind that there are many actresses of whom I could have forgotten or missed, it’s really hard to find naturally red-headed actresses so just use your imagination that they’ve used a hair stylist. (Also, keep in mind this is partly a joke article, it’s meant to be funny. Don’t call me an idiot because you don’t understand irony.)
Spare Ideas-#1-Kathy Bates-That’s right, this wonderful woman would destroy the part in a wonderful way. She is a beautiful woman that deserves your respect, and she is stunningly gorgeous. And now that I’ve entered the thought into your head, it’s going to stay there forever, and you’re never going to be able to erase the image of Tobey Macquire and Kathy Bates swirling in slow motion as a car flies through a coffee shop window.
#2-Megan Fox-She’s already ruined countless other franchises, why not let her ruin this one? Heck, we could alter Mary Jane’s character to be a prostitute, throw in some racist robots and call it all even. Thank you Michael Bay for discovering this “gem” of an actress and creating a film we can all laugh at. (Gem is another word for herpes right?)
#3-Bryce Dallas Howard-How fitting for the girl that played Gwen Stacey in 2007’s Spiderman 3 to play Mary Jane in the reboot? We could get a blonde girl to play Mary Jane and a red head to play Gwen Stacey, giving nerds a migraine that lasts for all of eternity. This mega migraine would include both petty rage because of the hair color and awe over how good looking Howard is.
#4-Alred Molina-Just let that sink in for a second…
Now on with the actual list-
11- Zooey Deschannel-I really liked her in Marc Webb’s 500 Days of Summer, and considering Marc Webb’s directing Spiderman maybe it’s not too far of a long shot, but the girl has some considerable charm to her and definitely has that “girl next door” vibe well taken care of. Between her music career and her “indie” personality, don’t cross your fingers…
10- Natalie Portman-The girl probably has some of the best acting chops on this list, and she’s surprisingly young (she’s only 29, I had no idea), which could make her an ideal candidate for the role of Mary Jane. Although nerds aren’t exactly proud of her filmmography (don’t make fun of her, or you’ll “break her heart!”), but looking ahead to her potentially oscar worthy performance in Black Swan, there are many more less bankable stars than her.
9- Malin Akerman-Now I’ll be the first to admit that Akerman’s a little bit too old for the role at 32, but looking at her experience with the genre in the past with her experience with Snyder’s Watchmen, and you could just have a great, beautiful actress with the potential to have lightning strike twice with her. She’s pretty enough to be Mary Jane, and definitely has the action chops for more hardcore scenes.
8- Anne Hathaway-This one sounds more like a given than others, but over the years Hathaway has proven to be a more than solid actress. She was my favorite part of this year’s Alice in Wonderland, and she even proved to have a funny side in 2008’s underrated comedy Get Smart. She made look a little odd with red hair, but she’d definitely be worth a shot.
7- Allison Lohman-Although noone actually watched the film, Drag Me to Hell was a delightful little piece of modern horror. As of late, that’s all Lohman’s had to do. So what better way to welcome her back in than to give her the tentpole female lead in a huge tentpole action film blockbuster summer movie that millions upon millions of nerds will rewatch and scrutinize multiple times? Maybe it’s not such a good idea put that way…
6- Teresa Palmer-Did you see The Sorceror’s Apprentice? Neither did I.
5- Kristen Bell-The nerd community already loves this 30 year old actress that’s made her career by roles like Elle in NBC’s Heroes and the classic franchise Veronica Mars. She’s smart, she’s darn funny, she’s beautiful, and I think she could pull off red hair. The role is a perfect fit for her on paper, it’s just a matter of how well the execs over at Sony see how well she’d fit the part.
4- Gemma Arterton-I’ll admit, the last time this girl put on a red wig things didn’t turn out so well. She sort of ended up smothered in oil (spoiler alert). However, there’s no chance that would happen in the new Spiderman film, that is unless Oil Man shows up. That joke may have been too soon…. Anywho, the actress has slowly made her way into U.S. fame recently with roles in films like Prince of Persia and Clash of the Titans, so who’s to say she couldn’t carry a big film like Spiderman? Also, unless I forgot to mention or emphasize it like some directors, she’s flipping gorgeous, and 90% of why I recommend people see Prince of Persia.
3- Rooney Mara-Ever heard of Rooney Mara? Neither have I until I saw Fincher’s latest film, The Social Network. Even in the two scenes that I saw her, she blew me away by her outstanding charisma and sharp looks. I can’t really say that much about her considering I haven’t seen her in anything else, but go see The Social Network, and you’ll see why she’d be great for this, or any other acting job in general.
2- Rachel Bilson-This is another one many probably haven’t heard of either. Maybe that’s the key to finding the next great Mary Jane, looking for the unexpected. That being said, Rachel Bilson would totally fit into that criteria. The girl hasn’t been in much aside from being the love interest in 2008’s Jumper and a couple of spots on How I Met Your Mother, along with a great role in a couple of episodes of Chuck. She’s really sharp on the screen, has a really humble presence to her, has sort of red hair, and it’d make me along with a lot of other fans happy to see her in the part.
1- Yvonne Strahovski-I’ll admit, I’m a little bit biased on this one. I love watching Chuck on Monday nights, and the only thing better than that considering the show’s impending doom would be to see her move onto a new part by playing Mary Jane. I mean Levi’s got a ton of stuff lined up. He’s friends with Seth Green, he’s doing voice acting now, heck he has his own clothing line. But the Australian-bred “super hottie” would just mesh right into the role of Mary Jane. Any fan of the show knows how sweet she can be, how hopelessly romantic, how accidentally funny and how good she would look in a red wig. Please Sony, cast Strahovski in the role, and I would thank you forever in the form of a $11.75 ticket and a $19.99 DVD… and probably a t-shirt.